by Céline Vanessa Azmy

LOVE IS A STRANGE FEELING! 

Feeling is such a strong sense, such a bizarre skill we acquire at birth. It sure does serve a lot of purposes. Do we love to survive? Or do we need Love to survive? It’s incredible, in fact, quite amazing that we, humans, have this ability to Love. 

However strong the desire – however strong the drive – it seems with time, it dissipates.  

Slowly, it may feels your love has fade away. Is it retrievable? Will we/ can we still Love?  

From my perception of reality, it seems people need Love to survive. It guides us through our truest desires— our rawest selves.

Still, you need a lot to fill your heart with emotion. Even more so when you’ve been hurt and find yourselfwalking around empty, trying to numb whatever is left…

And if that wasn’t enough, Love is now cheapened to affection, and affection to attention and attention to a like, and a like to a follow…  

With the spread of the Internet, the entire world got connected. Every single part of the world has become accessible for everyone and anyone, however, along the way, it also robbed the world of it’s innocence, creating a wave of massive entertainment and brainwashing of the masses by pushing the youth to be the most scandalizing and insolent as possible to “catch the attention”.  

And, perhaps, as if women weren’t sexualized enough, it’s also allowing the pornography industry to thrive.

Not only it is accessible on press, but it’s now on TV, where entire channels are dedicated to live actions or camera chats.

Consequently, pornography becomes not only being a successful business, yet also a lifestyle where it grows to influence and tempt, spreading certain feelings to an audience that becomes paranoid and distrustful, unwilling to commit and settle for a relationship. 

Nevertheless, no matter how much you try to defy it, Love lives within yourself. No matter how hard you can try to numb it, it somehow still manages to create this spark that fires you back and gives you a breath of life… I guess that’s how society came up with online dating.  

Was it a sense of urgency? Or an urge for physicality? As a matter of fact, physicality sounds very biased to me. The term I was looking for was sexuality

Indeed, in a world that now lives 24/7 without interruption, the spread of handheld devices and technology, the rise of pornography, it gets harder and harder to meet your soulmate.  

Some of us believe in Astrology, others believe in Destiny, Karma or Hazard… I personally will call it Love. 

In fact, Love comes in a lot of different ways. So many ways it’s hard to even try to define it. Isn’t it such a scary word? Yet somehow still the most beautiful?

Humans – like animals – need contact, physicality, sexuality, but the essence of all creation is a mix, a blend, a puzzle. One element inside of the other one, a formation of one. An escape from duality to oneness. Isn’t it truly breathtaking? 

I’ve been abused by someone I loved. Perhaps, the person I’ve loved the most. Then, I suffered the consequences of standing up for myself being a woman, and after a long period of pain and despair, I found the light again, however, certainly not through online dating. 

I started online dating recently. In fact, when I moved to New York City this past June. I ran away from Texas to escape my past.  

Perhaps, as a teenager, I’ve always been very confident. I’ve always thought I was pretty, and brilliant, yet more importantly, I’ve always craved human connection. A feel, a touch, contact of physicality and chemistry. Today it even sounds crazy to write these words down. 

However, to be very blunt and honest (as always), I’ve always craved authenticity, I guess that’s what it was?


So, staying true to myself, I’d always make fun of my friends for using dating apps. I didn’t understand, nor realize the depth of the issue.

As a matter of fact, at the time, I perceived it as shyness, maybe feelings of anxiety towards approaching the other gender. I thought some people maybe didn’t have the social and communication skills to approach a person they’d be attracted to in person.

However, once I started experiencing dating apps myself, which caught my attention after I moved here as a means to meet people in the city, I was quite astonished by the things I’ve experienced.

Perhaps, if in real life people somehow manage to pretend they actually care in order to have a chance to be granted an opportunity to take you on a date, online dating turns out to mainly be another mischievous internet tool for oversexualized lifestyles, where “dating” actually means hookups, perverts are being perverts, females sell their bodies, and men try to manipulate young ladies into their beds. 

Nevertheless, let’s not dramatize too much (although let’s be real, it is dramatic), these aren’t the only aspects of online dating. I have to admit there were quite a few interesting experiences and conveniences.

Not everyone is ill intentioned and pervy, and sometimes there are existing rarities that can lead to great friendships, short flings or nice dates while on a quick business trip in Los Angeles California.  

Yet once again, it’s all a matter of perspective. Although online dating has its cons, it is a revolution to appease our carnal desires and need for human connections. Indeed, there’s more to it. Dating apps fundamentally feed another aspect of Love, and by Love, here, I mean “self”.  

Perhaps, it’s fuel to Lust, fuel to “ego”. 

This unhealthy need for attention, physical attention. This desire, not love… Lust, not lust! Not lust, but the illusion of love. 

I guess we can call it this way, “the illusion of love”. Here lies the answer: 

When a man cannot get love, he aims for its illusion. 

When love becomes too painful to bear, too exhausting to handle by the fact we’ve never been taught how to love, we numb it, and we look for its illusion.

Maybe even just a reflection. A quick glance into your eyes, a kiss, a touch, the feel of your hair…those things that make you feel valued, safe, warm and nice. Even just for a night, because it does feel good to have our “other half”, albeit temporary.

Because Love is the fuel, perhaps, the essence of Life.

Below is a poem written by me, called Aphrodite:

MEN ARE DISGUSTING! 

GROW LOVE FOR MONEY, 

GROW LOVE FOR YOURSELF, 

GROW LOVE FOR YOUR BODY, 

GROW LOVE FOR YOUR NAILS, 

YOU ARE SO PRETTY, 

YOU SHOULD BE THE FIRST ONE TO TELL 

LIFE IS A GLORY, DON’T HOLD ON TO PAIN. 

GROW LOVE FOR YOUR CAREER, 

IT’S REWARDING TO BE BRAVE, 

LOVELY LADIES, 

YOU SURE DO LOVE YOURSELVES! 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *