WRITTEN BY ROMANE TERESOVITCH

April 1 — St. Francis College is proud to introduce a new major for the Fall 2011 semester — Equestrian Studies.

At first, the idea of SFC commuter students taking the reigns of a horse seemed unfathomable, until now.
Adding Equestrian Studies to the major list was one of the first things that new Sports Department chief Joe Testosterone wanted to do when he came to St. Francis.

“I think that by adding Equestrian Studies to the curriculum, students will be able to experience a study that you only associate with rich, snooty, and privileged college students, like those from England or something,” said Testosterone.

“I’m from Bensonhurst, so I’ve always had a thing about those rich, horsey types. Being able to ride like this can really can open doors for students.”

The school will be welcoming two new professors and 12 new on-campus horses, including: 6 Barb horses, 3 American Quarter horses and 3 Thoroughbreds. As for the question of ‘Where are these horses going to stay?’ – the school has that covered.

“The stables will be located in the Genovesi Center, under the basketball nets, explained SFC spokesman Relko Ritchie. “Okay, so the gym might smell really bad, but how many NYC schools can say that they have horses?”

The two new professors who will be teaching the new curriculum come from London, England. Sir Ian Bailey III and Headmistress of the Imperial College in London, Dame Elizabeth Davis-Kelly, will be the Equine Studies advisors.

Students will be required to bond with their horses. Davis-Kelly stresses the importance of a human to horse bond: “Bonding with your horse is the key to not being thrown on your backside,” said the Dame.

The courses will include: Breaking & Training 101, Put Your Foot in the Stirrup, Why Giving Your Horse Mountain Dew Is A Bad Idea and It’s All in the Wrist, the intermediate course that showcases the proper way to clean up after your horse.

Sir Ian Bailey III plans to have students ride their horses around the blocks of Remsen Street. Hurdles and obstacles will be displayed along the front of the college, and all through the blocks all the way to Court Street.

Professor Bailey does not care if Brooklyn Heights natives complain that the new riding path will cause congestion. “If you ask me, a horse is just as noisy and inconvenient as a car, so, what’s another car on the street — pip, pip.”

Students who choose Equestrian Studies as their major will have to spend their text-book money on more unconventional school supplies, like chaps and saddles. All in all, the new major will bring much attention to St. Francis College, since it is the first school in Brooklyn to house horses.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *